Divorce myths vs reality: what divorce actually looks like

Sky’s new drama, ‘War’, aired last night, and it delivers exactly what a legal drama needs: courtroom showdowns, tense pauses, and a couple going to war over everything they own. It’s gripping television. But it’s also not what divorce actually looks like for most people in the UK.

Here, our divorce lawyers look at what tends to get exaggerated about divorce, and what the reality usually is.

Myth: divorce always ends up in court

Reality: most divorces are resolved by agreement, not by a judge. Couples can normally negotiate a financial settlement and agree on child arrangements without legal advice, and may only require a solicitor to prepare a financial order giving effect to that agreement, known as a Consent Order.  For couples who need more assistance, the majority will be able to negotiate a settlement with their solicitor, including via mediation or another form of Non-Court Dispute Resolution. Court proceedings are rare and are mostly a last resort, and only after mediation fails.

Myth: you need barristers and courtroom battles

Reality: most people going through a divorce never set foot in a courtroom and never need a barrister. The bulk of divorce proceedings happens through correspondence, negotiation, and paperwork between solicitors, or through Non-Court Dispute Resolution, not dramatic hearings.

Myth: one side wins, and the other loses

Reality: divorce isn’t a contest with a winner. Courts, mediators and lawyers work towards a fair outcome based on both parties’ needs, not a decisive victory for one side. The ‘take him for every penny’ mentality makes for good TV, but it’s a poor strategy.

Any good divorce lawyer will advise you to try to work through things fairly and avoid conflict (or further conflict), especially if you have children together. This has become more prevalent with the introduction of no-fault divorce, which removes the need to apportion blame in divorce, and the launch of One Couple, One Lawyer, whereby a separating couple can instruct the same solicitor for their divorce.

Myth: it has to be a battle from the start

Reality: plenty of divorces stay cooperative and collaborative throughout, and many separations are resolved amicably from beginning to end. What’s more: courts increasingly request evidence that shows parties explored methods of Non-Court Dispute Resolution before making a court application.

Judges can also adjourn the proceedings and direct parties to attend mediation. This means both parties must attend a Mediation Information and Assessment Meeting (MIAM), except in certain circumstances.

Myth: divorce takes years and costs a fortune

Reality: timeframes and costs vary a great deal, but the biggest factors in keeping both down are usually down to both parties’ cooperation and whether the case stays out of court. Early legal advice and a willingness to work collaboratively tend to matter far more than the complexity of the assets involved.

‘War’ makes for great television because conflict is dramatic. Real divorce works best when it isn’t.

How we can help

If you’re going through a separation and you’re worried that things are starting to become difficult, getting advice early is key. Speak to our divorce and separation solicitors by calling 0117 325 2929 or filling out this form.