How to make divorce easier for your children

Divorce can create anxiety, worry, upset and frustration. It’s difficult enough as an adult to deal with such things, but what must it be like for a child?

Our specialist divorce and separation lawyers have supported and guided countless families through the divorce process. In this guide, we share some tips which aim to raise a bit more awareness of the measures divorcing parents can take to support their children.

Tips for how to make divorce easier for your children

1. Avoid discussing the specific details in front of your children

Try not to discuss the specific and finer details of your divorce in front of your child or children. They do need to be kept informed in an age-appropriate manner, so they know what’s happening and when, but giving them too much information might cause unnecessary worry.

For example, a child doesn’t need to hear about financial disagreements. What they do need is reassurance that both parents still love them and that the practical things in their life, such as school, friends and routine, will stay as stable as possible.

2. Try not to have disagreements in front of the children

Although you may be angry and upset, the children need an objective view of what’s happening so they can retain relationships with all those involved.

If a difficult conversation needs to happen, save it for when the children aren’t around. Children often blame themselves for conflict they witness between parents, so keeping disagreements away from them protects them from a burden that isn’t theirs to carry.

3. Keep calm

Again, this can be difficult during such a stressful time. However, try to be calm whilst sharing information and answering any questions they might have.

4. Don’t use the children as go-betweens

Whatever you do, don’t use the children as go-betweens between you and your partner. If communication between you is difficult, seek legal advice or attend mediation without involving them. There are also various parenting apps that can help separated parents communicate in a child-focused manner.

Asking a child to act as a messenger or take sides puts them in an impossible position. It can also affect their relationship with both parents, since they end up feeling responsible for managing the adults rather than being looked after by them.

5. Keep communication open

Talk to your children about what they think, how they feel and what they want. They may feel better if they are being consulted and made to think their opinion matters. It’s also worth considering that it’s not just about the here and now but what life will be like for you all a few years down the line.

If you are going through mediation, your children may have the opportunity to share their thoughts and feelings in a neutral environment.

6. Court as a last resort

Try to reach any key decisions within the family. Court proceedings should really be the last resort, as they can have a lasting impact on family relationships. We can offer support and guidance throughout this process.

You could consider arbitration, mediation or collaborative law, all of which are designed to encourage communication and resolve issues without the pressure of court action.

How no-fault divorce has changed things

Since April 2022, divorcing couples in England and Wales no longer need to assign blame to end a marriage. Either or both parties can simply state that the marriage has broken down irretrievably, without citing adultery, unreasonable behaviour, or any other fault-based reason.

This matters for children because so much of the conflict they’re exposed to during divorce stems from parents disputing who’s at fault. A calmer starting point for the legal process can make it easier to follow the kind of approach set out above, keeping disagreements away from the children and communication as constructive as possible.

How children’s wishes are considered in divorce

If parents can’t agree on child arrangements, i.e. where they’ll live or how much time they’ll spend with each parent, the court’s starting point is always the child’s welfare, not either parent’s preference.

Depending on the child’s age and understanding, their wishes and feelings can be considered as part of that process. In many cases, this happens through Cafcass (the Children and Family Court Advisory and Support Service), an independent body that may speak to the children involved and report back to the court on what would be in their best interests. This doesn’t mean a child gets to decide the outcome, but it does mean their voice is heard.

Contact our divorce solicitors in Bristol

If you are a divorcing couple, with or without children, speak to our specialist lawyers who can help you understand the best course of action.

To speak to a divorce solicitor about your circumstances, call us on 0117 325 2929 or complete our online enquiry form.