What happens in a family mediation meeting?
Not sure what to expect at family mediation? Tom Powles, Head of Family Law at Barcan and Kirby, explains what happens at each stage, so you can enter the process feeling prepared and in control.
What is family mediation?
Family mediation helps people come to an agreement or resolve an issue without making a court application. It is most used in divorce and separation, and/or to agree on child arrangements as part of a separation.
Who facilitates mediation?
A trained and independent mediator facilitates the mediation session. During your initial assessment meeting, you may be seen together or separately from your former spouse.
How is mediation different to going to court?
Mediation is about finding that ‘middle ground’ where both parties can negotiate. It’s a way of resolving things without the need to go through court proceedings, which are expensive, stressful and time-consuming.
What can family mediation be used for?
Mediation helps people reach agreements on issues such as child arrangements and finances as part of a separation or divorce, outside of court. It encourages open and conflict-free communication with the goal of agreeing on a solution that works for the whole family.
When you first meet your family solicitor, they will always recommend mediation if they think it’s suitable in your circumstances.
Before the meeting: the MIAM
Your initial meeting with the mediator is called a MIAM (Mediation Information and Assessment Meeting). It lasts about an hour.
It is a legal requirement for both parties to have attended a MIAM before making a court application.
Here’s what typically happens in your first mediation meeting:
- You will meet with a mediator in person, at the mediator’s office or an agreed venue, or remotely. The mediator must be accredited by the Family Mediation Council (FMC).
- You tell the mediator about your situation and the issues that need to be agreed on.
- The mediator will explain the mediation process and alternative options, such as ‘shuttle mediation‘.
- You may be asked questions to ascertain whether there has been or is a risk of domestic abuse or harm to your child/children.
- At the end of the meeting, the mediator will tell you whether your case is suitable for mediation.
- You can decide whether to proceed with mediation or explore another option for resolving issues.
If one party still refuses to try mediation or the mediator feels mediation is not appropriate for you, they will provide you with a MIAM certificate. This must be sent to the court with your application.
What happens in a joint mediation session?
After your MIAM, if you both agree to continue with mediation, you will arrange your first joint mediation session.
This is what you can expect in your first joint mediation session:
- The mediator reminds you of the process and recaps what happened in your MIAM, including any concerns or areas of disagreement
- You will both confirm that you’re happy to mediate and sign the agreement (Agreement to Mediate)
- You will both outline your goals and what you want to achieve
- You and the mediator will identify the main issues and the order in which you will try to resolve them
- If there are financial issues, the mediator will go through the information and documents you will need to provide
- You start discussing each issue, as agreed in your agenda
- At the end of the mediation session, you will go over what each of you needs to think about and prepare before your next session, and when this will be.
How many mediation sessions will there be?
Most people find they can come to an agreement after four to five sessions, depending on the complexity of the issues.
It’s important to remember that, while a mediator can help you reach an agreement or find a solution, you still need a family solicitor to make these agreements legally binding. Some mediators are also qualified lawyers, but this is not always the case.
What you can and cannot agree to in mediation
Mediation can be used for:
- Finances
- Child arrangements
- Housing/property arrangements, e.g. who lives with whom and what happens to the house as part of divorce proceedings
When is mediation not appropriate?
There are some mediation exemptions that the court will accept. These include cases where:
- There is domestic abuse, where evidence can be provided
- There has been a previous mediation or MIAM attempt
- There is a risk to life or safety, and the case needs to be dealt with quickly
- Social services are involved
- The court is already involved
- Respondents are in prison or subject to bail conditions
- One or both parties are living outside England or Wales
- There are previous injunctions or orders, such as a Non-Molestation Order
Common concerns clients have about mediation
“Do I have to be in the same room as my ex?”
Not necessarily. If you don’t want to meet together, mediation can happen remotely. In some circumstances, you can do shuttle mediation. This is where the mediator meets each party separately and goes between the two rooms. This can work well when there’s low-level conflict but should not be used where there has been domestic abuse.
“Can I have a lawyer with me during mediation?”
Yes, your solicitor can come with you to mediation, if both parties agree. If not, then receiving legal advice alongside mediation is an incredibly useful tool to ensure that your legal rights are understood throughout the process.
“What if we can’t agree during mediation?”
If mediation doesn’t work, there are plenty of other options. While the court wants to see that you have tried mediation, there are other ways to come to an agreement, including solicitor-to-solicitor negotiation, early neutral evaluation, arbitration or the involvement of collaborative lawyers. Some of these options leave you with a legally binding outcome, and others will still require the instruction of a lawyer to draw up the court order for approval by the Family Court.
When it comes to family mediation, the important thing to remember is that you are in control, not the court. By talking it through, you’re taking charge of your and your children’s future.
How your solicitor supports you in mediation
If you have instructed a lawyer and are preparing for your first mediation meeting, you may be wondering what their involvement will be.
In addition to attending mediation with you, your solicitor can help with:
- Pre-mediation legal advice
- Reviewing any proposals you wish to put forward during mediation
- Advising you on any documentation or evidence you may need to provide, and how to do so
Clearing up the myths surrounding mediation
One of the most common misunderstandings of family mediation is that it’s only for people who can communicate amicably and that it’s a way of simply formalising these discussions. While communication is important for mediation, it is the mediator’s responsibility to help both of you talk constructively.
There are various other misconceptions around mediation, which you can read about here.
Contact our family law solicitors
For friendly, common-sense legal advice regarding any family law issue, get in touch. Call our family lawyers on 0117 325 2929 or fill out our online enquiry form.
