Coercive control in same-sex relationships

Coercive control can be hard to spot and acknowledge, whether it’s in a heterosexual or a same-sex relationship. Often, there are no visible bruises or raised voices. Instead, there’s a slow erosion of a person’s independence, their friendships, their sense of what’s real. And because the relationship doesn’t fit the image most people have of domestic abuse: a heterosexual couple, a male abuser, a female victim, victims sometimes believe it doesn’t count.

But coercive control in a same-sex relationship does count. In this blog, our domestic abuse solicitors explain what coercive control looks like in same-sex relationships and what legal options are available.

What is coercive control?

Coercive control is a form of domestic abuse whereby a person tries to exert control or power over another person. It creates invisible chains and deprives them of their independence.

Coercive control was criminalised in England and Wales under the Serious Crime Act 2015 and carries a maximum sentence of five years in prison.

It’s not a single incident; coercive control is a pattern of behaviour that can happen over a long period of time and can be incredibly subtle, both to a victim and someone looking on.

Common forms of coercive control include:

• Isolation: cutting you off from friends, family, or the LGBTQ+ community
• Monitoring and surveillance: checking your phone, tracking your location, and demanding to know where you are at all times
• Financial control: controlling access to money, having to explain purchases or preventing you from earning your own income entirely
• Threats: threatening to ‘out’ you to your loved ones
• Gaslighting: making you doubt your own memory, perception, or sanity
• Controlling daily life: dictating what you wear, who you speak to, when you sleep, and even what you eat

Coercive control alone, without physical abuse, is enough to constitute a criminal offence and to support applications for legal protection.

Why is coercive control under-recognised in same-sex relationships?

Coercive control in same-sex relationships is underreported and frequently misunderstood by victims, their loved ones, and even support services.

A recent storyline in Coronation Street centred around coercive control in a same-sex relationship, where Todd Grimshaw became the victim of emotional manipulation and physical abuse by his partner, Theo Silverton. Theo isolated and gaslit Todd, isolating him from his friends and highlighting the realities of LGBTQ+ domestic abuse.

Several factors make coercive control particularly difficult to recognise in same-sex relationships:

The ‘mutual abuse’ myth

In same-sex relationships, abuse is sometimes dismissed as a ‘fight between equals’ between two men or two women, particularly if they are of the same physical stature. However, coercive control is about power, not physical size. Any person can abuse another regardless of gender or physical appearance.

Fear of not being believed

Many LGBTQ+ domestic abuse survivors are afraid that Police, support workers and even solicitors won’t take them seriously, or will lack experience with same-sex domestic abuse. While this fear is understandable, it shouldn’t stop you from seeking help. Our domestic abuse solicitors have a wealth of experience supporting survivors of domestic abuse, in both heterosexual and same-sex relationships.

Using ‘outing’ as a threat

An abuser in a same-sex relationship can use your sexuality as a tool of control in ways that have no equivalent in heterosexual relationships. Threats to out you to family (especially if they are religious), a conservative employer, or even immigration authorities are serious forms of coercive control, and they are taken seriously by the courts.

Internalised doubt

If you’ve spent years navigating your sexuality and a world that might not always accept who you are, you may be more likely to blame yourself for ‘falling victim’ to coercive control. However, you do not ‘deserve’ it, and are entitled to proper support. UK law protects you equally, regardless of your sexuality or the gender of your partner.

Protection against coercive control

The law in England and Wales protects victims of domestic abuse and coercive control in same-sex relationships. This includes the Serious Crime Act 2015 (the criminal law that defines and punishes coercive control) and the Domestic Abuse Act 2021.

From a legal protection point of view, victims of domestic violence can seek protection under Non-Molestation Orders and Occupation Orders:

• A Non-Molestation Order prohibits your partner from contacting you, coming near you, or using or threatening violence against you.
• An Occupation Order can determine who is allowed to live in the family home and can require your partner to leave, even if they own the property or are named on the tenancy.

Both Orders can be obtained quickly, and our specialist team can make the application on your behalf.

What evidence do I need?

You don’t need a Police report to start legal proceedings. However, any evidence you do have will be beneficial when making an application for a Non-Molestation Order or Occupation Order. The following evidence can be helpful:

• Screenshots of controlling or threatening messages
• A diary or notes recording incidents with dates, times, and what was said or done
• Emails, voicemails, or social media messages
• Medical records, if you have sought help for anxiety, depression, or physical injuries (your solicitor can help obtain these)
• Witness statements from friends, family, or colleagues (again, something your lawyer can help with)
• Bank statements showing financial control

How our domestic abuse solicitors can help

Our specialist team can explain your options, apply for emergency protection orders and support you with separation, financial proceedings and child arrangements. We can also signpost you to specialist support organisations and charities, including those specialising in LGBTQ+ relationships such as Stonewall.

Coercive control in same-sex relationships is recognised by law, taken seriously by courts, and something you can be protected from.

To speak to a member of our team about how we can help, call 0117 325 2929 or fill out our enquiry form.