My Wife, My Abuser: a stark reminder of domestic abuse against males

In early Autumn 2024, a new programme hit Netflix: ‘My Wife, My Abuser: The Secret Footage’. Originally a Channel 5 documentary, the show spent a week in Netflix’s Top 10 and remained a talking point for far longer.

The show and its story hit headlines as a rarely publicised case of female-on-male domestic abuse. In this blog, our domestic abuse solicitors look at the case in more detail.

My Wife, My Abuser: a brief synopsis

The real-life documentary tells the harrowing story of Richard and Sheree Spencer, a couple who had been together for 20 years. Over these two decades, Richard suffered physical and emotional abuse at the hands of his wife, Sheree, but delayed taking action as he thought it would get better.

The couple lived in East Yorkshire with their three daughters and from the outside, looked like the perfect family. Sadly, the daughters started to witness the abuse; something that didn’t seem to faze their mother.

Sheree’s abuse was unpredictable and as a result, Richard took drastic steps to avoid the abuse such as wearing shirts with poppers so his clothes wouldn’t get ripped during her attacks. He even set up a camera in the playroom (modelled as a ‘nanny cam’); something that would later provide vital evidence in the case against Sheree Spencer.

What abuse was Richard Spencer subject to?

Sheree Spencer subjected her husband to months of physical and mental abuse, including:

• Physical assault, including spitting at him, punching him and attacking him with objects;
• Threats (Sheree reportedly held a knife to Richard’s throat);
• Verbal abuse;
• Humiliation;
• Coercive control;
• Financial abuse including controlling their finances; and
• Psychological manipulation (Sheree threatened to tell the Police that he was violent if he ever reported her, so Richard felt trapped. She would even shout things like, “Stop hurting me” out the window so neighbours would hear.)

How did Sheree Spencer get caught?

The breaking point came when Sheree contacted one of Richard’s friends, claiming he was drunk and that she feared for her safety. When the friend arrived, Richard ended up telling him about the abuse and showed him the video evidence he had captured on the nanny cam. This friend had also previously noticed injuries to Richard’s face, which Richard brushed off.

Richard’s friend reported Sheree to the Police, and she was arrested.

During questioning, Sheree said that Richard’s injuries were the result of her restraining him during an attack he made on her. When shown the nanny cam video without sound, which depicted her brandishing a large knife in Richard’s face, Sheree claimed that this showed her giving Richard the knife to “finish her off” as she could not take his abuse any longer. This was proven to be false when the Police played the video with sound.

Sheree pleaded guilty and will spend four years in prison.

Domestic abuse knows no gender

This programme shed an important light on male victims of domestic abuse. In society, domestic violence is often seen as a female ‘issue’, but behind closed doors, abuse can happen to anyone, of any gender, age or background.

So what can we learn from Richard Spencer’s experience?

Speak up

Firstly, it is important to speak up if you are being abused. Many people brush off abuse, putting things like financial control down to the person ‘being better with money’, for example. If something doesn’t feel right; talk to someone. This can be a friend, another family member or a professional such as SafeLives or Next Link.

Protect yourself

It is also important to inform the Police and get legal advice to put the relevant measures in place to protect you from further abuse. Our specialist Domestic Abuse team can help you obtain emergency protection within 24 hours and will provide the support you need once you have taken the brave step of speaking up. We will provide advice and guidance throughout the process and make sure that you are aware of all the legal options.

Blog | Men: don’t suffer domestic abuse in silence

Further information

If you or someone you know is experiencing domestic abuse and need help, call our specialist team on 0117 325 2929. Our domestic abuse lawyers will do all we can to help.