How can I see my child without going to court?

No matter how amicable you and your ex-partner are, child arrangements can be difficult to agree on. Most couples make it their priority not to let divorce or separation affect their children but with emotions running high, it is common for tensions to arise when it comes to agreeing on child contact.

If you and your ex-partner have separated, you may be wondering how you sort out child contact and whether it is necessary to have a formal agreement in place. If you and the other parent are on bad terms, you may even be concerned that you won’t be able to see your child without going to court.

In this blog, our child law solicitors explain what options are available to separated parents and how you can agree on child contact without court involvement.

Types of child contact arrangements

There are several ways that separated parents can agree on child contact without going to court. When you instruct a solicitor, they will discuss the options available and advise you on what they think is best for your situation. These options include:

1. An informal agreement

It is common for parents to come to a loose arrangement after separating. For example, agreeing that mum spends the majority of weekdays with the children and dad has them on alternate weekends. This works for many families and the benefit is that the arrangement can be flexible to work around holidays or illness.

Most of the time, families come to this agreement verbally, but it is a good idea to write the agreement on paper so that if there is an issue further down the line, you have a record of what you agreed at the time. It may be that this never happens, but disputes sometimes arise if ex-partners find new relationships and the family dynamic shifts.

2. A formal agreement, e.g. Parenting Plan or Consent Order

Having a formal agreement is simply making your informal agreement official and legally binding. If you and your ex-partner agree on child arrangements, you can record it in a Parenting Plan. This records the arrangement and avoids court involvement. A Parenting Plan aims to demonstrate that you are putting your child’s needs first; it gives them a sense of stability and ensures everyone involved in their care knows what is expected of them.

You can complete a Parenting Plan online but if a dispute arises at any point, the family court will want to see a copy so it is wise to get advice from a child law solicitor when writing your plan to ensure it includes all the necessary details.

A Consent Order details agreements reached between parties. It is a legally binding document that sets out the arrangements for children living with and/or spending time with the other parent. The difference between an order and an agreement is that an Order is legally binding which means it is legally enforceable.

3. Mediation

If ex-partners can’t agree on child arrangements, child mediation can be incredibly effective in helping parties reach an agreement.

Mediation involves an impartial mediator facilitating an open and honest discussion between you and your ex-partner. It is up to you to come to a decision, however; a mediator cannot decide on child arrangements for you; they are simply there to facilitate the conversation. Mediation can be more cost-effective than going to court and many family solicitors will advise parents to consider this before considering court proceedings. In some circumstances, a child can be included in the mediation process via Child Inclusive Mediation. This is usually where children are sufficiently competent to give their wishes and feelings.

Our lawyers work with external mediators who can help facilitate an open discussion between you and your ex-partner. Some parents choose to involve their children in these conversations (Child Inclusive Mediation) so they feel they are listened to and part of the decision-making.

4. Child Arrangements Order

If you and your ex-partner cannot come to a decision about child contact and mediation has not worked, you can apply to the court for a Child Arrangements Order.

When applying for a Child Arrangements Order, the court will want to see that you have considered other remedies, such as mediation, first. Either parent can apply for this Order and it must include a statement about what you and your ex-partner cannot agree on.

Unfortunately, with Child Arrangements Orders, court is unavoidable as you are required to attend a hearing. The thought of going to court can be incredibly daunting; that’s why it’s important to seek legal advice before applying for a Child Arrangements Order to ensure your application is completed correctly and to represent you in court.

Parental responsibility

When determining child arrangements, anyone with parental responsibility has a legal duty to ensure an agreement is made and that it reflects the child’s best interests. Typically, the child’s mother and father have parental responsibility, but sometimes it is not as clear cut.

All birth mothers have parental responsibility for their child and so do fathers if they were married to the mother when their child was born. If the parents were not married but the father was named on the birth certificate, they would have parental responsibility.

If you do not hold parental responsibility, you should speak to a specialist child law solicitor who can advise you on the best way of agreeing on child arrangements with your ex-partner.

Blog | A guide to parental responsibility

Need help with child arrangements? Get in touch

If you need advice about child arrangements, our expert team are here to help. Our child law solicitors advise families across the UK from our offices in Bristol and South Gloucestershire.

Call our friendly team on 0117 325 2929 or fill out our online enquiry form and we will be in touch.