Elderly parents and care: how to have that difficult conversation

Adulthood brings its fair share of uncomfortable topics, not least those related to our ageing parents and their finances and plans for later life care.

If you’re yet to have that conversation, here’s how to handle this delicate situation with care.

Broaching the subject of personal and financial affairs

Asking sensitive questions about someone’s personal affairs isn’t easy, particularly when it comes to the subject of financial planning and care with your own parents.

But it’s important that you know who your parents would like and trust to manage their affairs if they’re unable to make their own decisions.

There are projected to be 1.4 million people living with dementia by 2040. And while none of us can predict if or when something might happen to our parents, writing a Will and Lasting Power of Attorney (LPA) will help in making legal, financial and medical decisions for those you love, should you ever need to.

Why is it such a difficult conversation to have?

Death and finances are taboo subjects. Parents are reluctant to face their own mortality and don’t want to consider the fact that they might need later-life care. In fact, according to the National Wills Report, 43% of UK adults haven’t told anyone what should happen after they die. And 25% of these people said it is because they are uncomfortable speaking about death.

But if something happened to your parents tomorrow, would you know where to find their Will? Do they have an LPA in place? What are their wishes for end-of-life care?

If you can’t answer these questions, you need to talk to your parents. Being aware of their situation means you’ll be better placed to make decisions if one or both parents need care and support.

5 tips for conversations about later life planning

1. Talk early and talk often. A good relationship and regular dialogue with your parents about their plans for later life can make it easier to introduce sensitive subjects into wider discussions. Don’t leave the ‘big’ topics until the crisis point; these conversations are easier when things are going well.
2. Be clear about your intentions. Emphasise to your parents that your interest isn’t in your inheritance, but simply in ensuring that their affairs are in order and you’re aware of their final wishes.
3. Create a conversation. If you’re struggling to find an opening, create one yourself. Try telling a (fictional) story to get your parents talking about money, such as one about the problems a friend faced when dealing with a deceased parent’s estate. Or talk to them about the steps you’ve taken to put your financial affairs in order and ask them if they’ve done the same.
4. Don’t ‘gang up’ on them. Too many people broaching the same subject can feel like an ambush, so speak to your siblings in advance. A calm, considered and consistent approach is much more likely to produce a positive outcome.
5. Be sensitive. Pick your moment carefully and look for potential conversation starters in everyday life. Be upbeat about writing a Will or LPA. Stress that having these documents will ensure their wishes are followed and carried out by the people they would choose. Read more about what happens if you die without a Will.

Contact us about later life planning

To speak to our solicitors about a Will or LPA, or if you’re worried about someone who has lost the capacity to make decisions, call us on 0117 325 2929 or complete our online enquiry form.